Just when you think it's gonna be OK...

There is nothing worse than standing in the rain and having to take a shit with no reasonable place in sight, especially with half a load on.  I was panicking, thinking about running behind the convenience store near the dumpster, doing my business, then finding something back there to clean up with.  The first cramp passed, and I looked across the street and saw what appeared to be a 50's style diner, OPEN!  I couldn't believe my luck.  I carefully looked both ways then waddled across the street, clenching as hard as I could without trying to make it too obvious about what was going on.  I reached the front door, and unbelievably, the place was packed.  'Where do all these people come from?' I thought.  And, to make matters worse, there was a waiting line.  How could this be?  I didn't see any cars...then I realized the main entrance was at the rear, which is where the parking lot was.  I pushed through a couple of people and crossed through the restaurant, searching madly for some sign of a bathroom.  I figured I had about 30 seconds left.

I found a door near the kitchen with a picture of a girl with a poodle skirt.  Frantically, I looked for the door with some 50's greaser type on it.  Damn these hipster bathroom signs!! Whatever happened to 'Men' and 'Women'?   There it was!  On the other side of the rear entrance.  Salvation!  I barreled my way in, and found that the stall was open.  I ripped off my backpack, dropped my jeans, and before I even hit the seat, I unloaded. Not a second too soon. After a minute, I gathered my wits, settled in, and pulled a beer out of my bag.  As soon as I popped the top and took a long pull, there was a knock on the door of the stall. 'Buddy, how long are you gonna be?  My son really has to use the bathroom and I don't have any more diapers.'  'Are you kidding me?' I thought.  Shit. 'Give me a moment', I said, took another long pull off the beer, set it on the floor, and put my head in my hands.  This was unbelievable.

Then, I realized it was one of those times that no matter how much I wiped, I just couldn't get my self clean.  I was going to be here a while while an angry adult pressuring me to get the hell out.  And, you know, I just didn't care.