Why is it that as alcoholics, we are so full of anxiety? It's kind of like the age-old question - what came first, the chicken or the egg. Are we anxious as a product of years of drinking, or did we start to drink because we suffered from generalized anxiety? There is no doubt that when we STOP drinking, a period of intense anxiety sets in. Crazy fear, unrealistic projections, inaccurate assessment of our situation. Now, when I say inaccurate, I mean that we focus on every other solution except the most obvious one - that is, to stay stopped. Then there is the time issue. We truly believe that we are on the the right path, therefore, everything should be put back in place right away. It is stunning to think that it might take years to fix some things, and some of the the things we want the most may never be fixed. And that is downright terrifying.
I was just sitting here thinking about what a mess my life has become (this is, in fact, an accurate assessment - it is a mess), then a man sat down next to me and told me what was happening in his life. And it was worse than mine. A strange thing happened. Immediately, I felt empathy and a human connection. Also, my own burden lightened a little bit, just for a moment. So there it is in a nutshell - the importance of sober social contact, such as recovery groups. Nothing physically has changed, but my perception of my own situation changed. And that is therapeutic. And may help me stay away from that drink just a little longer, which is why I am on this journey and writing this blog. There was an old Sinead O'Connor song entitled I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got.. Someday, I would like to be able to say that and mean it. It will never happen if I don't stay sober.
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